thoughtful

Am sitting here, once again at the window in Sabine`s bedroom, looking at the maple tree and at the factory across the road. Jörg says they manufacture watch parts. At night it looks like the sets of some soulless movie about nothing in particular. The nights are warm and it was past midnight when we walked back home from the farmhouse, where the workshop was being held.

So - the main session is over and boy! I have not experienced something this good for ages. The stillness went deep. The subject was: community and mysticism. What one has to do with the other. I shall write more about it, in time. Have to let it work inside me a bit. Somehow all of you in the group, made an appearance, and there were insights galore. A deep sense of something new growing in spite of the seemingly insurmountable problems.

Well life is life and things will happen, good and bad. Sometimes I think of Sharat and wonder how he is getting on, (and yes, I read that piece about starting to drink again). There is a sense of letting go through it all. Knowing that I cannot really "do" anything to make anyone see or to be different. Maybe it is okay, to be the way you are. Yesterday`s session brought back a deep feeeling of acceptance of the way things are, of the way I am and the way each of you is. What more can I say!

One accepts it all - the people who say they love you and equally, those who dislike or hate you. Often the roles reverse. The people who swear by you one day will badmouth you the next day. One learns not to take it seriously. Neither the praise nor the rejection. Yesterday I learnt something about the unconditional nature of love and that it can come into existence when you have truly put your egoistic feelings behind and learnt to look at what is best for the other person and for the group, for the community, rather than how you can satisfy your sense of self importance. And when you sense this kind of feeling in even a handful of individuals, the deep unchanging internal ties it leads to, it brings hope.

What is the difference between fattening your ego and genunine fulfillment? That is something I guess we all have to learn to differentiate.