Wednesday's Music Meditation

Sometimes, even when you’re in the midst of “lively company” you feel lonely. I’ve figured out that this happens when our basic feeling of loneliness is denied. So not only do you actually feel lonely but on top of that you have to try and prove that you are not and that you are having a good time. This was one of the topics I brought up at yesterday’s music med, which Meher and Charmayne attended. (The rest were either busy/indisposed/found it too much of a problem attending from far away).

What I reaslise is that even after being with each other in this group for two years (some of us know each other longer than that) we are not really able to be quiet with each other and need to fill up all available space with chatter. How tiresome. I don’t know how you guys feel, but it gets me down. In fact I realize that very few people are able to be still and at ease being still – not just sitting silently and fidgeting inwardly because they don’t know what to say. Among the few are the people I visited in the “Swiss community” this summer. It is so peaceful there and yet far from boring. You can say what you want to, and keep quiet when you wish and there is absolutely no need to prove anything. I can imagine that some people would feel uncomfortable with that sort of thing because they are so used to talking their heads off and silence makes them feel something is terribly wrong.

+++

A strange dream last night in which I find myself traveling with my grandmother, the way she was about, say thirty years ago. Active and fit. We are in France and at some point I’m up in a helicopter with Sushama (my friend in Delhi) and we’re hovering over a lot of islands in the middle of lakes, filled with chateaus and quaint houses. All the time I wonder what will happen if Sushama forgets how to operate the helicopter or we run out of fuel. At the same time I do want to get a closer look at what I see down below and as if she can read my thoughts Sushama does something to the engine whereby we simply hover in the air without moving forwards and I am fascinated at how she does it!

+++